"Dear Concerned Citizens"

With all the dithering from the leftards, about the stone cold murderers in Guantanimo Bay,, I just had to dig this out and repost.

This is major funny!!!




March 21, 2002

The White House 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, D.C

Dear Concerned Citizen:

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the
Taliban and ElQaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

My Administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard
loud and clear here in Washington.

You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like
you, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to
be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK
for short. In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have
decided to place one terrorist under your personal care.

Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for Transportation
under heavily-armed guard to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed
bin Mahmud (you can just call him "Al") is to be cared for pursuant to the
standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment. It will
likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will
conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed
are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

Ahmed's meal requirements are simple, but we strongly suggest serving meals
that do not require utensils, particularly knives and forks. Also, these
should be "one-handed" foods; Ahmed will not eat with his left hand since he
uses it to wipe himself after purging his bowels (which he will do in your
yard) - but look on the bright side... no increase in the toilet paper
bill!

He generally bathes quarterly with the change of seasons, assuming
that it rains, and he washes his clothes simultaneously. This should help
with your water bill.

Also, your new friend has a really bad case of body lice that hasn't been
completely remedied. Please heed the large orange notice attached to your
detainee's cage: "Does not play well with others."

Although Ahmed is sociopathic and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these
character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as
mere cultural differences. He will bite you, given the chance, but his
rabies test came back negative so not to worry.

We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling. Your
adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can
extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers.
We do not suggest that you ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next
yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices
from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked
up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters (except
sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property. However, he
will be eager to assist with the education of your sons; have available for
their use several copies of the Q'uran.

Oh, and rest assured that he absolutely loves animals, especially cats and
dogs. He prefers them roasted, but raw is fine, too, if they aren't more
than 2 or 3 days dead.

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you,
who know so much, keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. We
think this watching over each other's shoulder is such a good way for people
to interact that we will be sending a team of federal officials with
expertise in your line of work to your place of business soon, just to help
you do your job better.

Don't be concerned that they have the power to close your business, seize
your property, and arrest you for any violation of the4,850,206 federal
laws, codes, regulations and rules that apply to your profession. They're
really there just to make sure you're doing everything the proper way. That
is what you wanted, right? Well, thank you for this opportunity to interact
with such a valued member of the citizenry.

You take good care of Ahmed - and remember....we'll be watching.

Cordially,


George W. Bush